The Strongest Relationship On Earth

What is the strongest relationship on earth?

I can answer it with one word: MARRIAGE :)

Why Marriage?

Because marriage is the mirror of the intimate relationship between Jesus and His bride, the Church.

Marriage is the relationship that God use to reflect our relationship with Him. And it is also the first relationship that God created on earth (Adam and Eve) before the relationship between parents and children, brothers and sisters, or any other relationships.

That's why God really loves marriage, and He wants to see His children living in an intimate relationship with their husband/wife. But the problem is, the devil really really hates marriage and he wants to destroy every marriage! Last year, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. And nearly 8 in 10 young adults in America favor same-sex marriage. My heart is broken, and I know God's heart too... :(

So today I want to challenge every married couples (especially the Christian couples) and also all of my friends who will get married soon, to see our marriage as a mission and a ministry for God. Let's build a strong and godly marriage in this world of darkness. God calls us to be the light and to be different than this world. This world needs you.. They need us to be an example and to show them the right way of marriage.

Each godly marriage can be an oasis for those who have forgotten what marriage is supposed to look like. - Gary Thomas

Some things that you can start to do today:

* For the married couples, you need to have a devotion and prayer time together with your spouse everyday. Beside that, you also need to keep having your personal time with God. Strong relationship with God is the key of a strong marriage :)

* After God, your husband/wife has to be your most important priority in your life (not your kids, parents, friends, or any other relationships). You need to always have time and communication with your spouse everyday.

* Take a short break, or maybe you can have a short getaway with your spouse (and don't let any gadgets or even your kids distract both of you). Take time together to remember again your wedding vow, or remember the first time you met each other, looking at your wedding pictures/video, holding hands, hugging, kissing and cuddling your spouse again like on your first honeymoon :)

* Don't keep any secret from your spouse. Always tell them the truth. Remember that two of you has become ONE. Make sure there is no secret password or secret chatting on your mobile phone, there is no secret bank account, there is no secret experience about your past.. Be open and you will see the difference in your marriage.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:24;25)

* Please delete the word "divorce" from your dictionary. And don't let the devil destroy your marriage! If your spouse has decided to divorce, use the power of prayer and ask God to heal your marriage. Don't give up on him/her!

The most sacred promise we can ever make is the promise we make to God and our spouse on our wedding day. If the wedding vows don't matter, then no promise matters. (Dave Willis)

* Serve others together. When you serve others together, your marriage is also become stronger. And also teach the younger men and women how to live in godly ways.

Your marriage is a ministry where you and your husband can work together as a team to fulfill the needs of people around you, to show hospitality, to pray for people, to show compassion, to love by reflecting Christ's love as you mirror His image. (Jennifer Smith)

* For the single/unmarried people, make a commitment to live in holiness and strong relationship with God. Be an example for others by keeping your virginity and purity, and do not live in the same-sex relationship. I know these days many people support the same-sex marriage. I love those people and I don't want to judge them. But most of all, I want them to experience the truth and be transformed by God, so they can understand how marriage is supposed to look like. Pray for them!

* Beside that, if you have a desire to get married one day, pray so that God will bring you to meet the right man/woman who also fears the Lord and you can serve God together through your marriage :)

"Lord, today I pray for every marriage, so that You will strengthen them and help them to overcome every storm. Strengthen their relationship with You and also with one another as a husband and wife. I pray so their marriage can become a blessing and an example for others. I also pray for the single people, for every young men and women out there, so they can experience Your love and truth in their lives. Raise them to become a generation that live in holiness and do not live in the standard of this world. In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

I Love Him Anyway

Dalam setiap pernikahan pasti ada yang namanya konflik.. kalo gak pernah ada konflik, hmm.. berarti mereka mungkin belom pernah tinggal bareng kali ya, haha.. Artikel kali ini aku mau tulis khusus buat temen-temen yang baru pada married, or yang lagi pada persiapan married.. Aku bisa bilang kalo pernikahan itu seru banget! And pastinya, kita jadi bisa belajar dan ngalamin kasih Kristus lebih lagi, melalui pasangan kita :)

Aku akhir-akhir ini lagi baca devotion dari buku Sacred Marriage (Gary Thomas), and di salah satu devotion-nya dia cerita tentang pengalaman satu pasangan suami-istri. Intinya, si istri ini berusaha untuk bisa mengubah suaminya, karena si suami ini keliatannya kayak kurang romantis. Pas Valentine, si suami cuma kasih kartu dan di dalemnya gak ditulis apa-apa, cuma ditulisin nama dia doang, haha.. Trus parahnya lagi, pas anniversary, si suami gak inget and gak ngasih apa-apa ke istrinya. Padahal si istri udah berusaha kasih hadiah macem-macem ke dia. Si istri ini juga udah coba kasih ke suaminya beberapa buku tentang how to love your spouse.. but suaminya gak tertarik buat baca tuh buku sama sekali, hahaha.. Tapi at the end, respon istrinya ini loh yang mantep, dia bilang, "I've realized it's never going to change.. But I love him anyway." :)

Gak lama setelah aku baca artikel ini, aku ngalamin konflik sama si DM, hehe.. Biasa deh, yang satu maunya A, yang satu maunya B.. And sempet bikin aku kesel.. huh.. But after that, kita pemberesan, kita cari solusinya.. and aku keinget devotion yang aku baca itu :p Lucunya pas lagi kesel-kesel gitu, aku bilang ke DM.. "I kesel sama u.. tapi tetep sayang.." (wkwkwk..) dan aku jadi ngerasa lucu sendiri.. koq bisa ya, kita tetep sayang dan mengasihi orang yang kita udah paling tau jelek-jeleknya dan paling sering konflik sama kita, haha.. koq bisa ya si DM tetep sayang dan mengasihi aku juga, padahal dia udah liat semua jelek-jeleknya aku.. Itulah indahnya pernikahan di dalam Tuhan :)

Luke 6:32-36 (NIV)

32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

That's why dalam pernikahan, kita perlu yang namanya kasih Kristus.. to love our spouse "anyway", not to love him "because".. Sama seperti Kristus mengasihi kita, bukan karena perbuatan baik kita.. Tapi Dia mengasihi kita, ketika kita masih berdosa.. God loves us anyway!

Jenis kasih yang kayak gini nih yang bisa bikin pernikahan kita tetep bertahan and tetep kuat. Banyak pasangan yang akhirnya bercerai karena mereka cuma bisa mengasihi pasangan mereka kalau pasangannya bisa jadi seperti yang mereka harapkan. But masalahnya, kita menikah sama manusia (bukan sama malaikat kan? haha..) yang gak sempurna and gak bisa selalu sesuai sama harapan kita. Itulah serunya pernikahan! :p Kita jadi dapet banyak kesempatan untuk praktekin kasih Kristus setiap hari kepada pasangan kita yang gak sempurna.. karena kalo kita cuma mengasihi orang yang mengasihi kita or selalu berbuat baik sama kita, apa bedanya kita sama orang-orang di luar Tuhan? :)

To love anyway is to love like God and to learn about God's love for us, who loves the "ungrateful and wicked". That's love, Jesus style. Let's love like that. - Gary Thomas

Let's Talk About... SEX! (Part 2)

Gak lama setelah aku post artikel-ku sebelumnya, yang judulnya "Let's Talk About... SEX!" aku gak sengaja ngobrol sama satu temen kerjaku di cafe. Pas hari itu cafe juga lagi agak sepi, jadi gak ada kerjaan, hehe.. and kita punya banyak waktu buat ngobrol :p

Aku gak inget awalnya kita lagi obrolin apa, but tiba-tiba dia nanya ke aku: "So, how did you meet your husband?" Wah.. that's a long.. long.. story.. haha.. And akhirnya aku ceritain garis besar tentang our love story ke dia.. termasuk soal value kekudusan yang kita pegang selama masa pra nikah.. And dia bener-bener amazed banget pas tau kalo aku dan DM ini sama-sama belom pernah pacaran sebelumnya (the first and the last istilahnya), apalagi pas dia tau kalo kita ini jalanin hands-off relationship, and our first kiss is our wedding kiss.. Dia yang terkaget-kaget gitu deh pokoknya, wkwkwk..

Abis itu, gantian aku yang nanya dia, hehe.. "How about you? Do you have a boyfriend?" Temenku ini ceweq, sekitar umur 20 gitu kayaknya. And akhirnya dia cerita kalo dia dulu pernah punya cowoq, but putus karena LDR.. Trus baru-baru ini dia jadian sama satu cowoq (temen lama, trus ketemu lagi gitu) but dia rasanya kepengen putus sama cowoq ini, tapi gak tau gimana caranya.. And I said, "Why?!" (bukannya kerja di cafe, kita malah jadi konseling soal hubungan, haha..)

Dia cerita kalo awalnya hubungan ini oke-oke aja (namanya juga masih berbunga-bunga lha ya.. everything seems beautiful..) but lama-lama rasanya mulai boring.. nothing interesting.. sampe akhirnya.. (ini yang bikin aku deg-degan pas denger) si cowoq mulai minta sesuatu yang lebih (alias sex).. karena katanya sih, sama ceweq-ceweq dia sebelumnya juga begitu.. But temenku ini gak mau kasih, alasannya karena dia takut and dia masih virgin.. dia juga masih gak yakin sama hubungan ini.. that's why dia kepengen putus..

Di satu sisi, aku seneng karena denger dia masih virgin and gak ikutin kemauan si cowoq. Aku langsung bilang ke dia dengan tegas, "Yes.. he is not the right man for you!" and support dia untuk mutusin cowoqnya, hahaha.. But di satu sisi, I feel sad.. why? Karena melihat value kekudusan yang semakin bobrok di generasi ini.. My heart is broken.. :( :( :(

Temenku ini gak punya alasan yang kuat and dia gak ngerti kenapa dia harus menjaga kekudusan.. Intinya dia bilang, aku belom yakin sama hubungan ini jadi aku gak mau berhubungan sex, nanti kalo udah yakin baru aku kasih.. And aku langsung bilang, "NO WAY! Sex is only for married couple.. Meskipun udah yakin, harus tunggu sampai pernikahan baru boleh.." And menurut dia, sex before marriage itu cuma semacem cultural thing (sama kayak perceraian).. Apalagi di negara-negara barat kayak di Australia gini.. But you know what, semua itu bukan budaya.. semua itu dosa and kejahatan di mata Tuhan.. Jangan sampe kita tertipu, karena kita ngeliat hal ini udah jadi hal yang biasa di lingkungan temen-temen kita.. But sin is sin.. dosa adalah dosa.. and itu menyakiti hati Tuhan..

Selesai kerja hari itu, aku bener-bener kepikiran dia terus and bawa dia dalam doa. Terakhir sebelum pulang, kita udah gak bisa ngobrol banyak, jadi aku cuma encourage dia untuk terus menjaga kekudusan sampai pernikahan, and untuk berani mutusin cowoqnya juga, hahaha.. Oya satu hal lagi yang sempet bikin aku sedih, dari kasus dia aku gak ngeliat yang namanya peranan orang tua.. I don't thing her parent know about this.. Atau ortunya maybe tau but cuek aja, and gak ajarin value ke anak-anaknya.. I don't know.. But lewat hal ini aku juga jadi bisa belajar how to be a parent one day.. Kita harus tanemin nilai-nilai kekudusan, and kebenaran tentang sex ke anak-anak kita (our next generation) sebelum terlambat.. Jangan sampe mereka denger tentang sex dari pergaulan mereka.. But let them listen from the Word of God and from us as a parent..

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.

- Psalm 119:9

Let's Talk About... SEX!

Yes... why not?!

Sex adalah salah satu topik paling penting yang harus kita bahas, khususnya di kalangan anak-anak muda. Banyak gereja yang "takut" mengangkat topik ini, karena kesannya mungkin tabu and sebaiknya jangan dibahas di dalam gereja. But bersyukur akhir-akhir ini banyak gereja yang mulai terbuka, dan banyak juga penulis-penulis Kristen yang mulai membahas tentang sex di dalam artikel-artikel mereka.

Generasi kita dan generasi di bawah kita, mereka perlu tau kebenaran tentang sex. Jangan biarkan mereka "tertipu" dengan semua film yang mereka tonton, buku yang mereka baca, or pergaulan and budaya yang mengajarkan tentang sex before marriage. They need to know about the TRUTH!

Jujur, I feel really really sad melihat kondisi generasi kita saat ini. Pasangan muda yang berpacaran, gampang sekali tergoda dan jatuh dalam hubungan sex sebelum menikah. Sebaliknya, pasangan yang sudah menikah, mereka malah kehilangan gairah untuk berhubungan sex dan mereka gak bisa menikmati keindahan sex yang Tuhan berikan.

SEX is a gift from God that you can open on your wedding day!

Not on the day before!

Sebagai wanita yang sudah menikah, I can say that sex is really really a beautiful gift from God :) That's because we open it on our wedding day, as our wedding present.. and we really enjoy it until now.. Bayangin kalau kita udah buka duluan "hadiah" ini sebelum kita menikah, it won't be precious and special anymore..

1Corinthians 7:14 says.. "The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband." Di ayat ini dibilang the WIFE (wanita yang sudah menikah) dan bukan wanita single. So selama kita masih single, kita masih punya hak atas tubuh kita dan gak ada satu orang pun yang berhak untuk merebut kekudusan tubuh kita.

Sewaktu aku masih single, I had a commitment (selain untuk pacaran satu kali seumur hidup) aku cuma mau menikahi pria yang bisa menjaga kekudusan dan menghargai komitmen aku dengan Tuhan. Pria yang juga punya standard kekudusan hidup yang sama. And thank God I've found that man, hehe.. Bahkan standard kekudusan kita bisa dibilang bener-bener tinggi :p

By the grace of God, kita berhasil jalanin hands-off relationship, no physical touch and berhasil untuk wujudin "my first kiss is my wedding kiss" juga di depan altar.. It's sooo beautiful!!! Gak bisa diungkapin pake kata-kata, hehe.. Aku masih inget after the wedding, si DM langsung peluk and rangkul aku terus, hihi.. And pas lagi foto post-wedding, dia juga langsung kiss aku terus, wkwkwk.. I can see how proud and how happy he is :) Pas di akhir acara wedding, aku juga sempet said thank you to him (in front of public) karena dia udah bener-bener menjaga kekudusan aku selama masa pacaran, karena dia udah berusaha untuk bener-bener gak menyentuh aku sama sekali, haha.. and I really appreciate it :)

So buat para single ladies, inget bahwa tubuhmu itu adalah Bait Allah.. it belongs to God and to your husband (later!) Don't open it until your wedding day.. jangan pernah turunin standard.. and you'll see how beautiful it is.. :)

Buat yang udah menikah, buat para istri.. remember that your body is no longer yours, but it belongs to your husband. Build intimacy in your marriage life (including sex). Serve your husband with all your heart and enjoy your intimacy with him.. Buat yang udah lama gak pernah physical touch, ayo mulai dibangun lagi.. Hug, kiss and cuddle your husband again.. :)

"It is our prayer that you and your spouse would see sex as a gift from God. A gift to be stewarded. A gift to be guarded. A gift to be enjoyed. And a gift to be shared together for God's glory and your good."

- Mark Driscoll

Which One Is More Important?

Good bye Instagram... Good bye Twitter... Good bye Path... Good bye Pinterest...

Itu beberapa aplikasi yang akhirnya udah bisa mulai aku tinggalin beberapa minggu terakhir ini :p Yang setelah dipikir-pikir, memang gak terlalu ada gunanya, haha.. Udah terlalu banyak aplikasi di HP, and aku harus bisa mulai pinter-pinter milih.. mana yang penting and mana yang gak terlalu penting.. :)

Bukan cuma aplikasi, tapi ada begitu banyak hal dalam hidup kita yang kadang harus mulai kita cut (apalagi kalo kita mulai ngerasa hidup kita terlalu sibuk, sampe kita gak punya waktu yang berkualitas lagi buat Tuhan and buat suami). Bahkan kadang pelayanan kita pun bisa bikin kita terlalu sibuk..

Mana yang lebih penting?! Apa yang kita kejar dalam hidup kita hari-hari ini?! Tuhan? Atau uang? Karir? Popularitas? Hobby? Kenyamanan? Dan lain sebagainya...?

Ini hal yang akhir-akhir ini lagi aku pikirin, and aku bener-bener pengen hidup aku bisa back to basic lagi kayak dulu :) Aku mulai bangkitin lagi rasa lapar and haus aku akan Tuhan.. Aku mulai pakai waktu aku untuk lebih banyak dengerin Firman Tuhan (aku lagi suka banget dengerin sermon di www.reviveourhearts.com setiap hari), mulai lebih sering buka aplikasi Bible/Alkitab di HP (yang biasanya cuma kita buka kalo lagi di gereja, wkwkwk.. bener gak? hayo.. :p) jadi mulai biasain baca Firman Tuhan pas lagi di bus, lagi nunggu, dll.. Padahal sekarang akses buat baca Bible tuh gampang banget ya, gak kayak dulu.. tapi koq kita malah sia-siain and sibuk buka aplikasi-aplikasi yang lain.. bener-bener harus bertobat.. :(

Ada beberapa pelayanan juga yang akhirnya aku lepas.. majalah Pearl misalnya, and ada beberapa yang lain juga.. karena aku gak mau spend terlalu banyak waktu aku di depan laptop.. aku and suami dua-duanya kan kerja, jadi aku bener-bener mau precious our time together at home :) Apalagi aku orangnya gak multi-tasking, haha.. So I have to really know which one is more important :)

Buat aku, my personal relationship with God and with my husband are the most important thing in my life.. and aku musti rela lepasin apa aja, asal aku gak kehilangan hal ini.. Percuma aku sibuk sana-sini, dikenal banyak orang, ngelakuin hal-hal yang WOW, but ujung-ujungnya ternyata Tuhan gak kenal sama aku :( or aku juga gak dikenal sama DM :( karena aku terlalu sibuk sama hal-hal yang lain.. hm.. apa gunanya?

Jangan sampe Matius 7:21-23 bener-bener terjadi dalam hidup kita nanti:

"Bukan setiap orang yang berseru kepada-Ku: Tuhan, Tuhan! akan masuk ke dalam Kerajaan Sorga, melainkan dia yang melakukan kehendak Bapa-Ku yang di sorga. Pada hari terakhir banyak orang akan berseru kepada-Ku: Tuhan, Tuhan, bukankah kami bernubuat demi nama-Mu, dan mengusir setan demi nama-Mu, dan mengadakan banyak mujizat demi nama-Mu juga? Pada waktu itulah Aku akan berterus terang kepada mereka dan berkata: Aku tidak pernah mengenal kamu! Enyahlah dari pada-Ku, kamu sekalian pembuat kejahatan!"

O Lord, please help me to know and to do your will.. supaya aku bisa mengerti mana yang merupakan kehendak-Mu dan supaya aku gak kehilangan pengenalan akan Engkau..

So, maybe ini juga bisa jadi bahan renungan kita akhir-akhir ini.. terutama di dunia yang semakin sibuk and banyak distraction.. How's your personal relationship with God? Do you still have a desire to seek Him and to know Him more than anything else? Apa kita rela untuk lepasin hal-hal yang Dia minta? :)

Buat yang udah menikah.. How's your relationship with your husband (and with your children too)? Does your husband become your priority in life?

I wanna close this post with one statement from Gary Thomas:

To be loved well and to be known completely by one is far more fulfilling than being adored by many and truly known by none.

Recommended Books For Wives (and Husbands too!)

Kalo dulu waktu masih single, bacanya buku-buku seperti: I Kissed Dating Good Bye, Boy Meets Girl, Lady in Waiting, When God Writes Your Love Story, and beberapa buku lainnya yang kamu bisa klik di sini:

http://marcellaflaorenzia.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/recommended-reading.html

But sekarang udah jadi istri, bacaannya ikut berubah juga :p Apalagi nanti kalo udah hamil and udah punya anak-cucu ya, pasti beda-beda lagi bacaannya, haha.. Never stop reading and never stop learning! :) So, kali ini aku mau share list beberapa buku yang aku udah punya dan udah baca, atau ada juga yang lagi dibaca saat ini, or kepengen baca tapi aku belom punya, haha.. but I know that these all are good books :) Happy Reading!

***

Created To Be His Help Meet (Debi Pearl)

Created To Need a Help Meet (Michael Pearl)

Ini hadiah dari ci Lia waktu aku and DM tunangan.. so special and berguna banget :)

Sacred Marriage (Gary Thomas)

Yang ini dibeliin DM :) Plus ada 52 devotions juga di dalemnya..

You Can Be The Wife of A Happy Husband (Darien B. Cooper)

Yang ini pemberian dari mama mertua, hehe.. but yang versi bahasa Indo.. Ini buku lama banget terbitan tahun 1974, but it's a very good book!

The Act Of Marriage (Tim & Beverly LaHaye)

Yang ini pemberian dari ci Grace sebelum aku married (kayaknya semua buku dikasih orang ya, haha..) Thanks a lot! Feel so blessed :)

What Every Man Wants in a Woman

What Every Woman Wants in a Man

(John & Diana Hagee)

Kalo yang ini, aku beli sendiri! Hahaha.. And fyi, ini cuma 1 buku (bukan 2) jadi rada unik, bolak-balik gitu (2 in 1 book) hehe..

The Marriage You've Always Wanted (Gary Chapman)

Yang ini aku juga beli sendiri, hehe.. But yang versi bahasa Indo..

Wife After God (Jennifer Smith)

Yang ini aku baru beli on-line barusan tadi pagi, jadi lagi on the way bukunya, hahaha... Can't wait! Mau aku pake buat saat teduh selama 30 hari :)

Love & Respect (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs)

Yang terakhir ini, aku kepengen baca but belom punya.. Kalo ada yang mo kasih/beliin, silahkan.. pasti diterima dengan senang hati, wkwkwk.. *just kiddink* :p

So, that's all for now! And hopefully one day I can write my own book for wives :)

There's No Perfect Marriage, But...

There is no perfect marriage in this world, including mine :p Selama 6 bulan lebih kami menikah, banyak banget konflik yang udah kami lewatin. And kalau kami flashback ke belakang, it was not a perfect marriage at all.. haha.. Ada saat-saatnya (as a wife) aku terlalu banyak menuntut, over sensitive, bad mood, gak mau ngalah, dan lain sebagainya.. (jujur nih, hihi.. :p) And sometimes at night, sebelum kami tidur, I said to DM.. "Sorry honey, I have made a mistake and failed today.." But DM selalu bilang.. "Bukan gagal, but kita masih dalam proses belajar.." Or sometimes gantian dia yang minta maaf.. and in these past 6 months we really learn how to forgive and forget :)

There is no perfect marriage.. setiap kita pasti buat kesalahan terhadap pasangan kita. But it doesn't mean we can't have a better marriage everyday :) After 6 months, aku ngerasain banyak perubahan dalam diri aku and dalam diri DM juga.. We really want to grow together and let God to shape us to become a better husband/wife..

I want to share to you some questions that stuck in my heart lately, and it helps me to think and to change my perspective about marriage:

1. What do you want to put in your marriage box?

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc ... The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

- Unknown

It's our choice! Apa yang mau kita isi ke dalam "marriage box" kita setiap hari? Anger? Disappointment? Bitterness? Or... Love? Intimacy? Joy? Forgiveness?

We can start from simple things :) Kalo aku sih biasanya, pagi-pagi selalu kirim love message to him.. and kalo siang-siang, DM juga biasanya selalu telepon, nanya kabar, dsb. (jadi serasa kayak masih pacaran, hihi..) Trus kadang-kadang aku suka tulis love notes, jadi dia bisa baca pas pulang kerja.. Or kayak kemaren ini, aku sengaja taro surprise (hadiah) buat dia di meja dapur, hehe.. Eh, beberapa hari kemudian (kemaren malem tepatnya) dia "bales" pake bunga (and jeruk?! haha..) what a sweet surprise.. :)

So, what do you want to put in your marriage? It's your choice!

2. What you're gonna do if today is your last day?

Ini pertanyaan kedua yang bikin aku mikir juga.. Kalo misalnya hari ini adalah hari terakhir aku bisa hidup bareng DM, what am I gonna do? Apa aku bakal milih untuk terus berantem and marah-marah? Or I wanna spend the day with him in love, joy and intimacy?

Aku sempet denger siaran di radio (subuh-subuh jam 5 pagi gitu, hehe..) si Gary Thomas kalo gak salah yang khotbah.. and dia lagi khotbah buat para isteri :) Salah satunya dia bahas tentang a widow's heart. He said that we need to have a widow's heart (hati seperti seorang janda) Why?! Karena seorang janda (ini maksudnya janda yang bener lho ya, hehe..) pasti akan mengingat kebaikan suaminya, and maybe malah kangen sama kejelekan/kelemahan suaminya.. Mungkin mereka bisa bilang: "It's oke mereka ngorok or mereka berantakin rumah, dan lain sebagainya.. yang penting, I wish he still alive and I could spend more time with him.." Wow, it really changes my perspective.. :)

So, live your life as if it's your last day.. Give your best.. And cherish every moment with your spouse.. :)

3. Do you pray for your marriage?

We need GOD in our marriage (for sure!) Mazmur 127:1 bilang, "Jika bukan TUHAN yang membangun rumah, sia-sialah jerih payah orang yang membangunnya." Percuma kita udah berusaha ngelakuin ini-itu buat ngebangun pernikahan kita, without GOD semuanya pasti sia-sia.. So, it's very important to have a prayer time together everyday as a couple.. and bring your marriage in your personal prayer as well :)

Couples that pray together stay together.

Dear God,

Thank You for this wonderful life

and thank You for my wonderful husband.

I pray so that You will protect our marriage

from the evil one,

and bless our relationship everyday.

Help us to love each other like You do

and to accept one another

in every circumstances.

Please use us and our marriage

to glorify Your name.

We love You, God!

You are the centre of our marriage.

AMEN.

(Cella's prayer on 24/07/2014)

Joy of Spiritual Mom

Aku memang belum punya anak (dan memang belum berencana untuk punya anak dulu saat ini, karena masih mau enjoy "pacaran" hehe..) but aku punya beberapa anak-anak binaan / anak-anak rohani, yang meskipun saat ini kita berjauhan (karena rata-rata mereka semua di Indonesia) kita masih tetep bisa keep in touch and saling contact. Jadi aku masih bisa tau kabar mereka, encourage and pray for them kalo ada yang lagi down..

Yang paling seru tuh kalo mereka mulai cerita soal cowoq :p Apalagi mereka juga udah masuk di usia-usia yang siap untuk married.. Aku berasanya tuh kayak emak-emak yang lagi seleksi pasangan buat anak-anaknya, hehe.. Ada yang cowoqnya memang aku udah kenal atau ada juga yang belom.. Kalo yang belom kenal biasanya aku suruh cowoqnya contact aku dulu (biar aku interogasi, haha..) sama kayak dulu si ci Lia (my spiritual mom) interogasi si DM :p Atau ada juga yang cowoqnya memang udah terang-terangan gak masuk kualifikasi, langsung di-cut aja deh, wkwkwk.. Because I don't want my daughters sampe jadian sama pria yang salah..

Ternyata begini ya rasanya jadi seorang ibu.. Waktu kita liat anak kita akhirnya bisa jadian sama cowoq yang tepat and jalanin hubungan yang kudus, its also becomes our joy :) But sebaliknya, waktu anak kita pacaran sama cowoq yang ga bener (apalagi yang ga kenal Tuhan) and jatuh dalam hubungan yang gak kudus.. wah, ga kebayang deh rasanya kayak gimana tuh.. sedihnya minta ampun kali ya.. :(

So ladies, it's really important to have a spiritual mom in our lives.. and it's also important for us to become a spiritual mom to another ladies.. because it will make us grow :) Titus 2:4-5 said these:

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Buat para single ladies (terutama buat anak-anak binaan and anak-anak rohaniku) yang lagi baca tulisan ini, I really really pray for you.. supaya one day kalian bener-bener bisa jadian dengan pria yang terbaik dari Tuhan dan kalian bisa menjalani masa pacaran (pra-nikah) yang kudus, sampai masuk ke dalam pernikahan.. Aku rindu kalian juga bisa berkata, "my first kiss is my wedding kiss" dan hubungan kalian bisa menjadi kesaksian plus teladan bagi banyak orang. Aku rindu suatu hari kalian juga bisa menjadi seorang spiritual mom bagi wanita-wanita lainnya. Aku berdoa supaya hati kalian selalu melekat kepada Tuhan, supaya hanya ada satu pria khusus yang nantinya akan bisa masuk ke dalam hatimu :)

I love you all, my daughters...

It's a joy to become your spiritual mom... :)

10 Habits of Happy Couples

I just found and read this article yesterday, and I think it's really great.. That's why I want to post it here today so it can be a good reminder for myself (and maybe for you too :))

10 Habits of Happy Couples

By: Mark Goulston

http://markgoulston.com/valentines-day-rx-10-habits-of-happy-couples/

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

1. Go to bed at the same time

Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests

After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side

Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode

If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong

If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work

Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning

This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel

This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day

Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner

Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

Become More Like Jesus

Beberapa waktu yang lalu, aku pernah iseng tanya pertanyaan ini ke DM: "What is the biggest difference yang kamu alamin setelah kita menikah?" And dia jawab dengan singkat, padat dan jelas: "Now I have you in my life.." :)

Hmm... maksudnya?? (maklum namanya ceweq selalu perlu penjelasan yang lebih jelas lagi, haha..)

Intinya dia jelasin kalo sekarang after menikah ya udah gak bisa sama lagi kayak dulu waktu masih single. Dulu kalo mo ke mana-mana or mo ngapain sendiri ya cuek aja, but sekarang udah ada orang lain yang harus dipikirin (a.k.a sang isteri tercinta :p) Harus mikirin how to make her happy, how to provide everything for two people (soal finance misalnya), what she needs, dsb.

Sebaliknya, aku juga ngalamin hal yang sama.. Setelah menikah, aku gak bisa lagi cuma mikirin kebutuhan aku sendiri doang. Kalo mo ke mana-mana, aku pasti mikirin makanan buat suami di rumah (jangan sampe dia masak Indomie terus, haha..) or kalo mo masak, aku juga mikirin apa yang dia suka (bukan cuma apa yang aku suka). Kalo pergi belanja, aku malah keseringan beli barang-barang yang DM lagi perlu or kebutuhan-kebutuhan rumah, jadi jarang beli barang buat diri sendiri kayaknya :p

Selain itu, ada kegiatan-kegiatan yang sometimes juga harus kita korbanin demi pasangan kita. Or buat kita yang dulu waktu single tidurnya sendirian, sekarang you have to share your comfort bed with someone else (yang mungkin bakal ngeganggu jam tidur kita, hehe..) Everything change :)

And maybe beberapa di antara kita (terutama yang baru married) mulai mikir: "Kenapa ya setelah menikah kita gak bisa sebebas dulu?" Ya pastilah, haha.. meskipun belom punya anak, tetep aja setelah menikah you have another priority and another commitment :) Now we have someone who stick to us until the rest of our life, bahkan lebih dari anak-anak kita.

Ada satu statement yang aku lagi suka banget, ditulis Gary Thomas di dalam bukunya "Sacred Marriage". Dia bilang gini:

"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question - stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."

Lewat pernikahan, karakter kami berdua bener-bener banyak dibentuk. Jujur aja, selama aku hidup, DM adalah orang yang paling Tuhan pake buat ngebentuk aku, hehe.. Kita juga sama-sama hadapin konflik yang belom pernah kita alamin sebelumnya (apalagi buat orang stabil kayak DM yang jarang punya masalah, haha..) Karakter kita yang jelek-jelek koq juga jadi bisa keluar semua ya? LOL! :p

Ternyata pernikahan itu bukan kayak di dongeng, yang after wedding langsung "Happily Ever After". But pernikahan itu sebenernya sekolah karakter :) Banyak character issues yang Tuhan mau uji and mau beresin dalam pribadi kita masing-masing. Tuhan pakai pasangan kita to bring us to become more like Jesus day by day :) Lewat pernikahan, kita juga belajar to love our spouse with unconditional love.. how to keep loving them meskipun mereka nyebelin and gak berubah-berubah, hehe.. To love them like what Jesus has done to us.. Husband and wife relationship is the picture of relationship between Christ and the church.. :)

So, buat kalian yang masih single (terutama buat yang bakal menikah soon), selain sibuk sama persiapan wedding and segala macem urusannya yang bikin ribet, hehe.. Prepare your heart to be shaped by God.. Siapin hati yang mau belajar and terus dibentuk lewat pasangan kita.. Minta Tuhan hati yang mau berkorban and a desire to become more like Him everyday.. :)

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

- Philippians 2:3-4

Deeper in LOVE

Jadi inget beberapa hari yang lalu aku kenalan sama satu temen baru and we shared about our lives. Dia tanya tentang kegiatan aku sehari-hari, kerjaan suami aku, dan dia sempet kaget waktu tau kalo aku tiap hari bangun jam 4:30 pagi demi siapin lunch box buat suami. Intinya dia bilang, "Wah, dulu gue juga gitu waktu baru awal-awal married.. maklum masih penganten baru.. nanti lama-lama juga suami bangun sendiri and siapin makanan sendiri.." Hmm.. waktu dia bilang gitu sih aku ga tau musti ngomong apa and cuma bisa senyum-senyum aja, hehe.. But deep in my heart, aku sih ga pengen kayak begitu.. aku malah pengen makin lama bisa jadi isteri yang makin excellent lagi..

Selain itu, banyak juga orang yang suka bilang ke kita.. "Ah maklum masih penganten baru, masih masa-masa honeymoon.." "Nanti kalo punya anak pasti udah beda deh.." dan lain sebagainya.. Wajar sih kita banyak denger kalimat ini, terutama buat kita pasangan-pasangan muda yang baru married.. But there is a question in my heart.. Kenapa hal-hal yang romantis, perasaan jatuh cinta, dll cuma ada di awal-awal pernikahan? Bukannya semakin hari seharusnya malah semakin romantis and semakin cinta ya? Hehe..

And you know what, ternyata hal ini juga related with our relationship with God.. Mungkin banyak di antara kita waktu ngeliat orang-orang yang baru lahir baru and they are really excited about God, respon kita malah.. "Ah mereka kan masih baru lahir baru.. Nanti beberapa taon lagi juga udah ga bakal se-on fire gitu.." Waktu baru lahir baru, kita bisa romantis banget sama Tuhan, rasanya kayak orang yang lagi falling in love setiap hari :p But gimana setelah kita ikut Tuhan 10 tahun or 20 tahun or 30 tahun or 40 tahun or 50 tahun???

Aku paling seneng liat pasangan-pasangan yang ngerayain anniversary mereka, apalagi kalo ada yang bisa sampe 50 taon (langka banget tuh :p) and tetep bisa romantis.. pengen deh bisa kayak gitu, hehe.. I want to be deeper in love with my husband everyday.. and with my God :) Meskipun aku udah ikut Tuhan lebih dari 16 tahun, I want to keep loving Him with all my heart and malah makin deeper in love with Him, more than before.. I hope you can get the message yang mau aku sampein lewat artikel ini, and please listen to this song.. Hope you'll be blessed! :)

Take me deeper

Deeper in love with You

Jesus hold me close in Your embrace

Take me deeper

Deeper than I've ever been before

I just want to love You more and more

How I long to be deeper in love

Our Love Story (Summary)

We wrote this summary special for all of you who can’t understand Indonesian :)

This story is about one girl, named Marcella (Cella) who lives in Jakarta. She surrendered her life to Jesus when she was 12 years old and she made a commitment to not making relationship with any guys until she is really ready to get married. She only wants to make a relationship with one guy (the Godly one) in her life time, and that guy will be her husband :)

During her “single” times, she kept focusing her life to God and to serve the people. There was a time when she also felt lonely and worried about her future spouse, but God always strengthened her and put faith in her heart. She believes that God has prepared the right man for her and they will meet in the right time. She likes to write a letter and also a prayer for her future husband. And God does answer her prayer!

In the beginning of 2012, when Cella was asking God about her life calling, God put a big desire and passion in her heart to do mission and to bless the nations. God opened the door for her (through some friends) to join a mission trip to Cambodia. Before the trip, she got connected with the leader of this mission team who lives in Australia. His name is DM (Daniel Martin). They had never known each other before.

DM was 33 years old at that time, and he also never been in a relationship with any girls before. He has a great heart and passion for a mission, especially in Cambodia since 2006. He also believed that God knows the best and has prepared someone out there for him :)

One day, during the mission trip, when Cella was having a devotional time in the morning, she opened her Bible and this one verse came out:

“It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, MSG)

She was very surprised! “God, what does it mean?” She felt that God wanna say something related to her future life partner, and she asked God for a sign. Actually, she already had DM’s name in her heart at that time, but she was not sure yet.

Few days after that, God really shown His sign to Cella through the pastors (Ps. Edu and Ps. Elly). On the way back from one village to the city, Cella sat beside Ps. Elly, and suddenly she whispered to Cella: “It’s ok if you will get angry with me... but please don’t tell this to anyone... I wanna tell you that... I WANT YOU TO PRAY FOR... DM!”

WOW! Cella was speechless and didn’t know what to say... but deep in her heart, she knew that this is the sign from God and she started to pray for DM.

DM also has another story... At the last ministry that they had in one of the villages, there something happened in his mind when he saw Cella doing her things with the children. He can have this thought: “gosh... this girl was good dealing with children, I wish I could have that kind of character in my future wife…”

That was his simple wish... but he was surprised when suddenly Ps. Edu and Ps. Elly called him to their room and then they mentioned Cella’s name for him to pray over. And then he said, “Yes, I will pray for her...”

After the mission trip, DM stayed in Jakarta for about a week and met Cella couple times. He also invited Cella to come to his sister’s wedding and introduced her to his family. Before he went back to Australia, he decided to talk to Cella and asked her about the future of their relationship. She was ok with that, but she asked time to test and pray. Then, they decided to take 3 months of prayer time and used that time to get to know more about each other. They also shared about this to their parents, pastors, mentors and asked them to support in prayer.

Finally, after 3 months... 11-11-12, on that special date... Cella gave her answer to DM... and she said... “YES!” Woohoo! Wow... They are in a relationship now! And they are not single anymore :p Praise the Lord! So, since that day, they started to be in LDR (Long Distance Relationship). LDR is not always easy. They faced so many trials and challenges, especially in communication. But they always believe that love never fails... :)

In December 2012, DM gave a very special surprise for Cella. He flew back to Jakarta without telling her. He suddenly appeared right beside her when she was having dinner in one restaurant with DM’s family. He also gave her a bouquet of purple flowers and then introduced himself to Cella’s parents. What a surprise! :)

After few months in a relationship, they decided their wedding date (February 8th, 2014) and also decided to write this book. Cella always had a dream to write a book about her love story with her future husband, and to make that book as a wedding souvenir... and here it is... her dream does come true! God has written a beautiful love story for them... and through this book, we can see how faithful our God is and He never break his promises. Amen! :)

For free-download "Our Love Story" book, click here:

http://www.4shared.com/office/ABk28UWZ/OurLoveStory.html