There's No Perfect Marriage, But...

There is no perfect marriage in this world, including mine :p Selama 6 bulan lebih kami menikah, banyak banget konflik yang udah kami lewatin. And kalau kami flashback ke belakang, it was not a perfect marriage at all.. haha.. Ada saat-saatnya (as a wife) aku terlalu banyak menuntut, over sensitive, bad mood, gak mau ngalah, dan lain sebagainya.. (jujur nih, hihi.. :p) And sometimes at night, sebelum kami tidur, I said to DM.. "Sorry honey, I have made a mistake and failed today.." But DM selalu bilang.. "Bukan gagal, but kita masih dalam proses belajar.." Or sometimes gantian dia yang minta maaf.. and in these past 6 months we really learn how to forgive and forget :)

There is no perfect marriage.. setiap kita pasti buat kesalahan terhadap pasangan kita. But it doesn't mean we can't have a better marriage everyday :) After 6 months, aku ngerasain banyak perubahan dalam diri aku and dalam diri DM juga.. We really want to grow together and let God to shape us to become a better husband/wife..

I want to share to you some questions that stuck in my heart lately, and it helps me to think and to change my perspective about marriage:

1. What do you want to put in your marriage box?

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc ... The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

- Unknown

It's our choice! Apa yang mau kita isi ke dalam "marriage box" kita setiap hari? Anger? Disappointment? Bitterness? Or... Love? Intimacy? Joy? Forgiveness?

We can start from simple things :) Kalo aku sih biasanya, pagi-pagi selalu kirim love message to him.. and kalo siang-siang, DM juga biasanya selalu telepon, nanya kabar, dsb. (jadi serasa kayak masih pacaran, hihi..) Trus kadang-kadang aku suka tulis love notes, jadi dia bisa baca pas pulang kerja.. Or kayak kemaren ini, aku sengaja taro surprise (hadiah) buat dia di meja dapur, hehe.. Eh, beberapa hari kemudian (kemaren malem tepatnya) dia "bales" pake bunga (and jeruk?! haha..) what a sweet surprise.. :)

So, what do you want to put in your marriage? It's your choice!

2. What you're gonna do if today is your last day?

Ini pertanyaan kedua yang bikin aku mikir juga.. Kalo misalnya hari ini adalah hari terakhir aku bisa hidup bareng DM, what am I gonna do? Apa aku bakal milih untuk terus berantem and marah-marah? Or I wanna spend the day with him in love, joy and intimacy?

Aku sempet denger siaran di radio (subuh-subuh jam 5 pagi gitu, hehe..) si Gary Thomas kalo gak salah yang khotbah.. and dia lagi khotbah buat para isteri :) Salah satunya dia bahas tentang a widow's heart. He said that we need to have a widow's heart (hati seperti seorang janda) Why?! Karena seorang janda (ini maksudnya janda yang bener lho ya, hehe..) pasti akan mengingat kebaikan suaminya, and maybe malah kangen sama kejelekan/kelemahan suaminya.. Mungkin mereka bisa bilang: "It's oke mereka ngorok or mereka berantakin rumah, dan lain sebagainya.. yang penting, I wish he still alive and I could spend more time with him.." Wow, it really changes my perspective.. :)

So, live your life as if it's your last day.. Give your best.. And cherish every moment with your spouse.. :)

3. Do you pray for your marriage?

We need GOD in our marriage (for sure!) Mazmur 127:1 bilang, "Jika bukan TUHAN yang membangun rumah, sia-sialah jerih payah orang yang membangunnya." Percuma kita udah berusaha ngelakuin ini-itu buat ngebangun pernikahan kita, without GOD semuanya pasti sia-sia.. So, it's very important to have a prayer time together everyday as a couple.. and bring your marriage in your personal prayer as well :)

Couples that pray together stay together.

Dear God,

Thank You for this wonderful life

and thank You for my wonderful husband.

I pray so that You will protect our marriage

from the evil one,

and bless our relationship everyday.

Help us to love each other like You do

and to accept one another

in every circumstances.

Please use us and our marriage

to glorify Your name.

We love You, God!

You are the centre of our marriage.

AMEN.

(Cella's prayer on 24/07/2014)

ABCs of being a Help Meet

(Source: "Created to Be His Help Meet" book by Debi Pearl)

***

A - Admit when you are wrong

B - Be positive

C - Cuddle

D - Do it his way

E - Encourage him

F - Fix his breakfast

G - Give back rubs

H - Hug often

I - "I love you" should be said many times daily

J - Joke around in a playful manner

K - Know his needs

L - Listen to him

M - Manage your home well

N - Never hold grudges

O - Open your eyes in the morning and smile

P - Pray for him

Q - Quit nagging him

R - Reminisce about good times

S - Show respect and honor

T - Trust, and earn his trust

U - Understand his need for reverence

V - Vulnerability is a feminine trait; cultivate it

W - Wink at him

X - X is for private times

Y - Yearn to please him

Z - Zealously guard him with your love

***

Woman of God

Semalem aku and temen-temen komsel WB alias Wanita Bijak abis adain Christmas Dinner bareng di restoran Carnivor, Sunter Icon.. bagus tempatnya.. but penuh perjuangan banget buat ke sana, soalnya kemaren Jakarta macet parah plus ujan gede.. Tadinya mo mulai ngumpul jam 7, eh kita malah baru sampe jam 9 malem! haha.. But luar biasanya, semua tetep hadir, bahkan lengkap :)

Selain makan bareng, kita juga saling tukeran kado and dapet banyak gifts tambahan dari pembina kita, ci Maria.. Pokoknya full of food and presents! hehe.. Nah, salah satunya ada gulungan kertas yang isinya statements about woman, yang mo aku share di sini nih.. Tadi pagi aku abis baca lagi, and bener-bener jadi kekuatan :) Hope u'll be blessed!

Dear: Marcella Flaorenzia

When I stopped being doubtful & learned how to wait;

That's when I became a Woman of Faith.

When I stopped being angry & my calm increased;

That's when I became a Woman of Peace.

When I stopped feeling depressed & was able to cope;

That's when I became a Woman of Hope.

When my sorrow ceased & my smile wasn't destroyed;

That's when I became a Woman of Joy.

When I stopped being weak & kept fear at arms length;

That's when I became a Woman of Strength.

When I fell out of favor & was put in my place;

That's when I became a Woman of Grace.

When I stopped hating my self & felt an embrace from above;

That's when I became a Woman of Love.

When I stopped being silent & my voice began to raise;

That's when I became a Woman of Praise.

When I let go of old ways & a new path I began to trod;

That's when I became a Woman of God.

With Love,

Maria Lestari

It Matters Whom You Marry

Hi all!! Sorry nih kalo minggu ini aku lagi "bawel" banget di blog, hahaha.. Bukan karena liburan gak ada kerjaan lho ya, but karena memang lagi dapet banyaakkkk hal bangettt yang pengen aku share ke kalian.. Gak pengen rasanya cuma simpen buat diri sendiri.. Aku pengen supaya ini semua juga bisa jadi berkat buat hidup kalian :)

Nah, kali ini aku pengen share 1 link yang aku dapet dari temenku, khusus buat para single ladies.. Bagus banget artikelnya!! You have to read this!! (Thanks Nie for sharing..) Kalian bisa klik link di bawah ini:

http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/

After reading this article, ada beberapa hal penting sih yang aku dapet and beberapa quotes yang menarik ;)

Who You Marry Matters!

Makanya jangan sampai kita menikah dengan orang yang salah, karena itu bisa pengaruhin hidup kita secara spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and relationally (baca penjelasan lengkapnya di link yang tadi ya, hihi..) Jangan berpasangan dengan orang yang gak seiman atau orang yang masih hidup dalam keterikatan dosa (narkoba, judi, dosa sexual, dan lain sebagainya) "Tapi aku kan pengen merubah hidup dia.." gak bisa dijadiin kalimat alasan untuk kita berhubungan dengan mereka. Jadi temen aja bahaya, apalagi jadi pacar or suami.. haha..

Kalo gitu harus cari pria Kristen dong ya?! Gak cukup cuma Kristen, but make sure that he is truly a strong Christian.. pria yang bisa jadi seorang pemimpin rohani buat hidup kamu, bisa diajak sharing Firman Tuhan, bisa berdoa buat kamu dan anak-anak kamu kelak, bisa jadi teladan dan punya karakter Kristus juga dalam hidupnya..

Beside that, selama bertemen or pacaran, dia bisa bener-bener menghargai kekudusan kamu juga, especially secara fisik (karena itu yang paling keliatan), trus dia juga bisa mendukung hidup kamu, membawa kamu semakin deket ke Tuhan and jadi pribadi yang lebih baik (bukan malah jadi males ke gereja, males saat teduh dsb.) Dia juga bisa menghargai hubungan-hubungan lainnya, misalnya dengan keluarga, friendship, pemimpin rohani, dll.

Don't sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can't value the people who you love.

Kalo dia cuma hargain kamu doang (selama pacaran) and gak bisa hargain orang lain, bakal bahaya ntar pas menikah.. mungkin hubungan kamu sama semua orang bakal hancur, dan belum tentu dia bakal perlakuin kamu sama kayak waktu pas pacaran.. So, please think twice sebelum pacaran or menikah ama orang-orang yang seperti itu.. Karena itu bener-bener nentuin masa depan kamu seumur hidup! Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare..

It's better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden.

Tadi pagi pas saat teduh, aku baca Matius 19.. di situ salah satu perikopnya dibahas tentang "perceraian". And ada kalimat yang menarik yang aku baca dari Alkitab versi The Message dibilang gini: "Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn't for everyone..." dengan kata lain, pernikahan itu bukan sesuatu yang main-main.. butuh kedewasaan dan persiapan tentunya.. but at the end dibilang: "But if you're capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it." Menikahlah ketika kita ada dalam keadaan yang siap, dan juga bertemu dengan pria yang siap.. supaya hubungan kita bisa menjadi berkat dan kita bisa sama-sama bertumbuh ke arah Kristus :)

Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

HE said...

"No eye has seen,

no ear has heard,

and no mind has imagined

what I have prepared

for those who love Me..."

(1Corinthians 2:9)

#FriendShiP

I have: 70 contact lists in my BBM, 135 in YM, 139 friends in Twitter and over 900 in Facebook..


But how many BEST FRIENDS do I have? ;)