There's No Perfect Marriage, But...

There is no perfect marriage in this world, including mine :p Selama 6 bulan lebih kami menikah, banyak banget konflik yang udah kami lewatin. And kalau kami flashback ke belakang, it was not a perfect marriage at all.. haha.. Ada saat-saatnya (as a wife) aku terlalu banyak menuntut, over sensitive, bad mood, gak mau ngalah, dan lain sebagainya.. (jujur nih, hihi.. :p) And sometimes at night, sebelum kami tidur, I said to DM.. "Sorry honey, I have made a mistake and failed today.." But DM selalu bilang.. "Bukan gagal, but kita masih dalam proses belajar.." Or sometimes gantian dia yang minta maaf.. and in these past 6 months we really learn how to forgive and forget :)

There is no perfect marriage.. setiap kita pasti buat kesalahan terhadap pasangan kita. But it doesn't mean we can't have a better marriage everyday :) After 6 months, aku ngerasain banyak perubahan dalam diri aku and dalam diri DM juga.. We really want to grow together and let God to shape us to become a better husband/wife..

I want to share to you some questions that stuck in my heart lately, and it helps me to think and to change my perspective about marriage:

1. What do you want to put in your marriage box?

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for; Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc ... The truth is, that marriage at the start is an empty box, you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage, love is in people, and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art, and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.

- Unknown

It's our choice! Apa yang mau kita isi ke dalam "marriage box" kita setiap hari? Anger? Disappointment? Bitterness? Or... Love? Intimacy? Joy? Forgiveness?

We can start from simple things :) Kalo aku sih biasanya, pagi-pagi selalu kirim love message to him.. and kalo siang-siang, DM juga biasanya selalu telepon, nanya kabar, dsb. (jadi serasa kayak masih pacaran, hihi..) Trus kadang-kadang aku suka tulis love notes, jadi dia bisa baca pas pulang kerja.. Or kayak kemaren ini, aku sengaja taro surprise (hadiah) buat dia di meja dapur, hehe.. Eh, beberapa hari kemudian (kemaren malem tepatnya) dia "bales" pake bunga (and jeruk?! haha..) what a sweet surprise.. :)

So, what do you want to put in your marriage? It's your choice!

2. What you're gonna do if today is your last day?

Ini pertanyaan kedua yang bikin aku mikir juga.. Kalo misalnya hari ini adalah hari terakhir aku bisa hidup bareng DM, what am I gonna do? Apa aku bakal milih untuk terus berantem and marah-marah? Or I wanna spend the day with him in love, joy and intimacy?

Aku sempet denger siaran di radio (subuh-subuh jam 5 pagi gitu, hehe..) si Gary Thomas kalo gak salah yang khotbah.. and dia lagi khotbah buat para isteri :) Salah satunya dia bahas tentang a widow's heart. He said that we need to have a widow's heart (hati seperti seorang janda) Why?! Karena seorang janda (ini maksudnya janda yang bener lho ya, hehe..) pasti akan mengingat kebaikan suaminya, and maybe malah kangen sama kejelekan/kelemahan suaminya.. Mungkin mereka bisa bilang: "It's oke mereka ngorok or mereka berantakin rumah, dan lain sebagainya.. yang penting, I wish he still alive and I could spend more time with him.." Wow, it really changes my perspective.. :)

So, live your life as if it's your last day.. Give your best.. And cherish every moment with your spouse.. :)

3. Do you pray for your marriage?

We need GOD in our marriage (for sure!) Mazmur 127:1 bilang, "Jika bukan TUHAN yang membangun rumah, sia-sialah jerih payah orang yang membangunnya." Percuma kita udah berusaha ngelakuin ini-itu buat ngebangun pernikahan kita, without GOD semuanya pasti sia-sia.. So, it's very important to have a prayer time together everyday as a couple.. and bring your marriage in your personal prayer as well :)

Couples that pray together stay together.

Dear God,

Thank You for this wonderful life
and thank You for my wonderful husband.

I pray so that You will protect our marriage
from the evil one,
and bless our relationship everyday.

Help us to love each other like You do
and to accept one another
in every circumstances.

Please use us and our marriage
to glorify Your name.

We love You, God!
You are the centre of our marriage.


(Cella's prayer on 24/07/2014)


  1. Alo Cel, thank u for the post. I actually posted a comment yest but don't think it went thru. Anyway in brief, I was telling William last night that the situation is similar to us. We have been thru ups n downs too when I thought a newlywed should be happy2 joy2 in the few months after the wedding. Yes praying for & with each other certainly is powerful, it's what holds us together. Also being surrounded by Godly friends & family helps put our feet on track. Adeline :-)

    1. Hi Adeline, thanks for your comment and for sharing your experience as well :) Let's support each other (sesama newlywed yang cuma beda sebulan, hehe..) God bless your marriage life! :)


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