Our Little “Miracle”

Friday, 27 March 2015

Dear Miracle,

On Sunday morning, on the 1st day of March 2015, it was a very happy day because I found out that you were growing in my womb. I had a pregnancy test at home and yes! It was positif! I was sooo happy and excited! And I put that test result in a bathroom as a late birthday surprise for your dad :)

We both were very excited and we went to the doctor to have a blood test to make sure that you were truly inside there :)

On Saturday, 7 March 2015, we went back to the doctor to get the result and he said, “Congratulations! You are pregnant!” Wow.. what a joy to have a new member in our family!

On Monday, 9 March 2015, it was my birthday and I was so happy to have you as my birthday present. Yes.. I’m a mom now :)

On the next Monday, 16 March 2015, I had the first ultrasound (USG) and it was the first time we saw you :) You were about 6 weeks old and very cute, hehe.. We could see your heartbeats as well. But not only that, we were surprised because there were 2 sacks in there and we thought that you might had a twin! Ha! Wow.. what a news! But at the end we found out that the other sack was empty, so you were the only baby in there :)

On Sunday night, 22 March 2015, you made me and your dad a bit shock. I had a little bit of spotting, so I decided to have a bed-rest on the next day and also made an appointment with the doctor. I had another blood test, and went back home to have a rest.

On Tuesday, 24 March 2015, it was the day that I would never forget in my life. In the morning, I still had a bit of spotting, but it was ok. In the afternoon, more blood came out. And at night... I had a very bad bleeding and also very bad cramp. I was sitting in the toilet at that night and couldn’t stop crying. I was bleeding, bleeding and bleeding.. all the fresh blood started to come out.. and at that time I realized that you also came out and I had lost you :( I could feel that you weren’t in my womb and I wasn’t pregnant anymore.. I kept crying and crying.. Your dad was so panic and he took me to the doctor. The doctor said that it might be a miscarriage, but to make it sure, we need to have another ultrasound tomorrow.

We went back home, and on that night, I cried really really hard. Your dad kept saying that you were still in there, but I could feel that you were no longer in there. Something has changed. I had lost you! So we prayed together and your dad kept singing this song, “I surrender all.. I surrender all..” Whatever the ultrasound result tomorrow, we want to surrender everything to God, because we know that you are belong to God.

On Wednesday, 25 March 2015, I woke up at 3 AM and started to cry again :( Your dad (he is an amazing man!) tried to calm me down and make me fall asleep again. We went for an ultrasound in that afternoon, and we could see that you were not inside my womb anymore. My womb was empty, and I could see a sadness in your dad’s eyes. We went back home and we cried together. I’ve never seen your dad could cry like that before. It was a very sad moment..

On Thursday, 26 March 2015, you dad was still off from work to accompany me at home. Physically, I was ok, just need a bit of bed-rest. But emotionally, I was still unstable. I could cry everytime I remember that moment, or remember the things that related to you. But God is good.. He gave me a speedy-recovery. He gave me a new strength, joy and peace into my heart. At that night, I could stop crying and I ask your dad to go back to work tomorrow.

So today, 27 March 2015, everything has back to normal, and I spend my time to write this letter to you :) We named you “Miracle”, because you are truly a miracle for us. 7-8 weeks together with you has changed our life. You are our first child, and we surrender your life to God. We miss you so much.. but we believe that you are in good hands now, and you will always be in our hearts :) We will see you one day in Heaven.. Thank You for being our birthdays present this year. We’re so glad to have you in our family, but we know that God loves you so much, more than we do. Have fun with Jesus! We love you! xoxo :)

My last picture with you.. You were still very small, but you were there :)

With Love,

Mom & Dad

***

PS: It has been one of the hardest moment in our life (and one of the hardest post for me to write), but yet at the end, when we look back.. all that we can see is only God’s love and faithfulness. What we experience now on earth is nothing, compare to what God has done when He gave his one and only Son to die on the cross for us. To see his Son suffered, died and separated from Him.. it was the biggest pain and sacrifice that has ever happened in the world. God is good all the time, and all the time He is good.. :)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16