Tuesday, 31 March 2015
One week has passed since you went back to Heaven, and it has been an unforgetable week for us. A lot of tears, but also has become a precious time between your dad and I, and also with God. Through this situation we can see how God strengthen our marriage relationship, when we were crying and grieving together, and God speaks a lot to us :)
The first 3 days was really hard for me, I cried a lot :( Not only that.. I felt really bad, guilty and kept thinking "maybe if I did this, or if I didn't do this, the baby would survive.." and so many people start asking, "What the doctor say?" "What cause the miscarriage?" "Maybe you are too tired.." and actually that kind of questions made me feel more guilty, and I didn't know how to answer them. But finally, we found the truth.. This miscarriage happened not because of human's fault, but it's God's will :)
There are so many women out there tried so hard to kill their babies, but if it is God's will, the babies are still alive (your dad is one of those "survivor" babies, he is also a miracle, hehe..) In another hand, we have tried to protect you, we want you to be a strong and healthy baby, but if it is God's will, if He wants to take you back, we have to surrender.. We realize that we don't own anything on this earth, because everything belongs to Him and He is the One who is in control of everything :) That truth really sets me free.. After 3 days, I didn't feel bad or guilty anymore, and I could stop crying. God turns all of my tears into joy, to know that you are in Jesus' hands now and you don't need to experience all the pains, hurts or sadness in this world..
We know for sure that God has a good purpose behind this miscarriage. First, your dad and I can experience more of God's heart (when His Son died on the cross). Wow, that must be really hard.. But He chose to do it because He loves us so much! What an amazing love.. And second, God allows us to experience this so we can be a blessing for so many couples, especially women, out there who also experience the same thing. I would never know how it feels, until I experienced it..
In the last few days (after the miscarriage), we met and talked to so many couples who also had experienced this before. And I said to my heart, wow.. why there are so many women have to experience this kind of situation. Some of them had a speedy recovery (which is good), but some of them are still struggling and depress after years and years and years.. Now I can understand how they feel, and God put that compassion in my heart. I really pray that through your story, many couples and women out there, who had a miscarriage, can experience a miracle as well. I pray so that God will set them free and bring healing from all of their depression and trauma. I pray so that they can have peace in their hearts to know that their babies are also in Heaven with Jesus (and together with you, Miracle, hehe..)
Last one, God wants us to learn to keep praising Him and serving Him in a hard times. It's very easy to praise God when I found out that I was pregnant, but to keep praising Him when I lose you, it's really precious :) We feel like we are passing the test and going to the next level, hehe.. We feel like we've become a stronger person than before, and we have a victory :) We don't want to lose our hearts for God.. Last Saturday, when we prayed and we asked God for His purpose, we decided to go for a mission trip to Cambodia again this year (that's the first place where your dad and I met, hehe..) and we bought the tickets straight away on that day, haha.. We are so excited about this, and we believe that's what God wants us to do.. to keep serving Him, and to keep praising Him when life is hard :)
Notes from your dad: Miracle, have fun with Jesus.. don't be naughty and don't make Jesus angry.. ok? (Listen to your dad, hehe.. :p)
We love you always!
- Mom & Dad