Our Little "Miracle" (Part 2)

Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Dear Miracle,

One week has passed since you went back to Heaven, and it has been an unforgetable week for us. A lot of tears, but also has become a precious time between your dad and I, and also with God. Through this situation we can see how God strengthen our marriage relationship, when we were crying and grieving together, and God speaks a lot to us :)

The first 3 days was really hard for me, I cried a lot :( Not only that.. I felt really bad, guilty and kept thinking "maybe if I did this, or if I didn't do this, the baby would survive.." and so many people start asking, "What the doctor say?" "What cause the miscarriage?" "Maybe you are too tired.." and actually that kind of questions made me feel more guilty, and I didn't know how to answer them. But finally, we found the truth.. This miscarriage happened not because of human's fault, but it's God's will :)

There are so many women out there tried so hard to kill their babies, but if it is God's will, the babies are still alive (your dad is one of those "survivor" babies, he is also a miracle, hehe..) In another hand, we have tried to protect you, we want you to be a strong and healthy baby, but if it is God's will, if He wants to take you back, we have to surrender.. We realize that we don't own anything on this earth, because everything belongs to Him and He is the One who is in control of everything :) That truth really sets me free.. After 3 days, I didn't feel bad or guilty anymore, and I could stop crying. God turns all of my tears into joy, to know that you are in Jesus' hands now and you don't need to experience all the pains, hurts or sadness in this world..

We know for sure that God has a good purpose behind this miscarriage. First, your dad and I can experience more of God's heart (when His Son died on the cross). Wow, that must be really hard.. But He chose to do it because He loves us so much! What an amazing love.. And second, God allows us to experience this so we can be a blessing for so many couples, especially women, out there who also experience the same thing. I would never know how it feels, until I experienced it..

In the last few days (after the miscarriage), we met and talked to so many couples who also had experienced this before. And I said to my heart, wow.. why there are so many women have to experience this kind of situation. Some of them had a speedy recovery (which is good), but some of them are still struggling and depress after years and years and years.. Now I can understand how they feel, and God put that compassion in my heart. I really pray that through your story, many couples and women out there, who had a miscarriage, can experience a miracle as well. I pray so that God will set them free and bring healing from all of their depression and trauma. I pray so that they can have peace in their hearts to know that their babies are also in Heaven with Jesus (and together with you, Miracle, hehe..)

Last one, God wants us to learn to keep praising Him and serving Him in a hard times. It's very easy to praise God when I found out that I was pregnant, but to keep praising Him when I lose you, it's really precious :) We feel like we are passing the test and going to the next level, hehe.. We feel like we've become a stronger person than before, and we have a victory :) We don't want to lose our hearts for God.. Last Saturday, when we prayed and we asked God for His purpose, we decided to go for a mission trip to Cambodia again this year (that's the first place where your dad and I met, hehe..) and we bought the tickets straight away on that day, haha.. We are so excited about this, and we believe that's what God wants us to do.. to keep serving Him, and to keep praising Him when life is hard :)

Notes from your dad: Miracle, have fun with Jesus.. don't be naughty and don't make Jesus angry.. ok? (Listen to your dad, hehe.. :p)

We love you always!

- Mom & Dad

Our Little “Miracle”

Friday, 27 March 2015

Dear Miracle,

On Sunday morning, on the 1st day of March 2015, it was a very happy day because I found out that you were growing in my womb. I had a pregnancy test at home and yes! It was positif! I was sooo happy and excited! And I put that test result in a bathroom as a late birthday surprise for your dad :)

We both were very excited and we went to the doctor to have a blood test to make sure that you were truly inside there :)

On Saturday, 7 March 2015, we went back to the doctor to get the result and he said, “Congratulations! You are pregnant!” Wow.. what a joy to have a new member in our family!

On Monday, 9 March 2015, it was my birthday and I was so happy to have you as my birthday present. Yes.. I’m a mom now :)

On the next Monday, 16 March 2015, I had the first ultrasound (USG) and it was the first time we saw you :) You were about 6 weeks old and very cute, hehe.. We could see your heartbeats as well. But not only that, we were surprised because there were 2 sacks in there and we thought that you might had a twin! Ha! Wow.. what a news! But at the end we found out that the other sack was empty, so you were the only baby in there :)

On Sunday night, 22 March 2015, you made me and your dad a bit shock. I had a little bit of spotting, so I decided to have a bed-rest on the next day and also made an appointment with the doctor. I had another blood test, and went back home to have a rest.

On Tuesday, 24 March 2015, it was the day that I would never forget in my life. In the morning, I still had a bit of spotting, but it was ok. In the afternoon, more blood came out. And at night... I had a very bad bleeding and also very bad cramp. I was sitting in the toilet at that night and couldn’t stop crying. I was bleeding, bleeding and bleeding.. all the fresh blood started to come out.. and at that time I realized that you also came out and I had lost you :( I could feel that you weren’t in my womb and I wasn’t pregnant anymore.. I kept crying and crying.. Your dad was so panic and he took me to the doctor. The doctor said that it might be a miscarriage, but to make it sure, we need to have another ultrasound tomorrow.

We went back home, and on that night, I cried really really hard. Your dad kept saying that you were still in there, but I could feel that you were no longer in there. Something has changed. I had lost you! So we prayed together and your dad kept singing this song, “I surrender all.. I surrender all..” Whatever the ultrasound result tomorrow, we want to surrender everything to God, because we know that you are belong to God.

On Wednesday, 25 March 2015, I woke up at 3 AM and started to cry again :( Your dad (he is an amazing man!) tried to calm me down and make me fall asleep again. We went for an ultrasound in that afternoon, and we could see that you were not inside my womb anymore. My womb was empty, and I could see a sadness in your dad’s eyes. We went back home and we cried together. I’ve never seen your dad could cry like that before. It was a very sad moment..

On Thursday, 26 March 2015, you dad was still off from work to accompany me at home. Physically, I was ok, just need a bit of bed-rest. But emotionally, I was still unstable. I could cry everytime I remember that moment, or remember the things that related to you. But God is good.. He gave me a speedy-recovery. He gave me a new strength, joy and peace into my heart. At that night, I could stop crying and I ask your dad to go back to work tomorrow.

So today, 27 March 2015, everything has back to normal, and I spend my time to write this letter to you :) We named you “Miracle”, because you are truly a miracle for us. 7-8 weeks together with you has changed our life. You are our first child, and we surrender your life to God. We miss you so much.. but we believe that you are in good hands now, and you will always be in our hearts :) We will see you one day in Heaven.. Thank You for being our birthdays present this year. We’re so glad to have you in our family, but we know that God loves you so much, more than we do. Have fun with Jesus! We love you! xoxo :)

My last picture with you.. You were still very small, but you were there :)

With Love,

Mom & Dad

***

PS: It has been one of the hardest moment in our life (and one of the hardest post for me to write), but yet at the end, when we look back.. all that we can see is only God’s love and faithfulness. What we experience now on earth is nothing, compare to what God has done when He gave his one and only Son to die on the cross for us. To see his Son suffered, died and separated from Him.. it was the biggest pain and sacrifice that has ever happened in the world. God is good all the time, and all the time He is good.. :)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

Blueberry Cheesecake

DM is not a big fan of cakes or dessert, so he only likes certain kind of cakes. One of them is cheesecake. So, I chose to make this one for his birthday last week :) Wanna try? Here is the recipe...

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

Ingredients:

15 graham crackers, crushed

2 tablespoons butter, melted

4 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese

1 1/2 cups white sugar

3/4 cup milk

4 eggs

1 cup sour cream

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

Fresh blueberries

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease a 9 inch springform pan.

2. In a medium bowl, mix graham cracker crumbs (or Marie crackers) with melted butter. Press onto bottom of springform pan. Put some blueberries on the top of the crust.

3. In a large bowl, mix cream cheese with sugar until smooth. Blend in milk, and then mix in the eggs one at a time. Mix in sour cream, vanilla and flour until smooth. Pour filling into prepared crust.

4. Bake in preheated oven for 1 hour. Turn the oven off, and let cake cool in oven with the door closed for 5 to 6 hours; this prevent cracking. Chill in refrigerator until serving.

5. You can put some fresh blueberries on the top for decoration :)

The birthday boy :p

My Life in Melbourne (Part 4)

Wuah.. hari ini tiba-tiba rasanya kangen banget pengen nge-blog! And mumpung lagi ada free time, kali ini aku pengen cerita-cerita aja sih tentang kegiatan and kesibukan aku sehari-hari sejak masuk tahun 2015 ini :)

Pas awal January, aku masih lumayan nyantai.. Kegiatan anak-anak Little Candles juga gak terlalu banyak.. Pokoknya masih holiday mode on and masih banyak waktu buat jalan-jalan, hehe.. But pas masuk bulan February, hidup aku kayak langsung berubah 180 derajat, haha.. First, aku mulai sekolah (Childcare Course) and langsung sibuk sama tugas/assignment yang menumpuk. Rasanya bener-bener kayak anak sekolahan or anak kuliahan lagi :p And course ini bakal aku jalanin selama 6 bulan ke depan..

Kedua, mulai bulan February kemaren, ada 1 baby (umur 10 bulan) yang dititipin di Little Candles. Dia dititipin di sini dari pagi sampe sore, sempet sampe malem juga. And jagain baby is not an easy job, it's really a good training for me to become a mom one day, haha.. Aku lebih sering jagain anak-anak yang udah agak gedean soalnya dibanding baby. But sekarang udah sebulan lebih jagain dia, udah mulai terbiasa and udah tau habit-nya. Jadi kalo dia nangis, udah ngerti sekarang dia maunya apa.. lol :p Sore-sore kalo DM udah pulang kerja, giliran dia yang maen sama si baby and I can have a break, hehe..

Selain si baby, aku juga masih tetep jagain 1 little girl yang namanya Jasline (4 tahun). Nah kalo buat yang seumur Jasline gini, aku udah bisa kasih dia kerjain banyak activities. And lately, aku juga bisa banyak share Bible story ke dia, ajarin lagu-lagu rohani and share to her about Jesus :) And kadang dia juga suka bantuin aku urusin si baby, hehe.. She is such a sweetheart.. ^^

She loves art and craft! Pokoknya semua hasil karya dia ada di Facebook aku, hehe..

Ketiga, bulan February itu bulan yang WOW banget.. karena ada hari anniversary kita, ada hari Valentine, ada Chinese New Year, and ada birthday-nya DM juga, hahaha.. What a busy month.. and makan-makan terus pastinya :p

Chinese New Year

Gitu deh kira-kira kegiatan and kesibukan kita akhir-akhir ini, hehe.. And kita juga ngalamin banyak kebaikan plus mujizat Tuhan. Di awal tahun ini, akhirnya aku dapet kabar soal visa and sekarang aku udah jadi TR (alias Temporary Residence). Yay! Jadi cuma tinggal nunggu PR (Permanent Residence), hopefully bisa dapet soon :)

Tuhan juga provided uang sekolah aku dengan cara yang amazing. He gave exactly the same amount that I need to pay for my school fee (seminggu sebelum aku mulai sekolah). He is God of miracles indeed!

Is anything too hard for the LORD?

- Genesis 18:14a

So, please keep praying for us.. supaya aku bisa selesaiin sekolah aku, and buat Little Candles juga, supaya bisa terus jadi berkat buat komunitas and anak-anak yang Tuhan percayakan :) Also pray for our marriage (gak berasa udah lewat setaon! time flies!) so we can keep loving each other and bisa jadi berkat juga buat para couples lainnya :)

Thank you for reading this post.. And I'll try my best to keep posting on this blog.. ^^

- D & M